Uncertainties are a part of life, but they still make me uncomfortable. Many times, they make me worry and sometimes, even sleepless. And yes, when I worry, I would find myself struggling to lay it all down before the Lord. And when worries turn to restlessness, I would also find myself struggling to see things in the perspective of a grateful and assured heart in Christ. Personally, I think it’s one thing to be shaken and another thing to try to keep your feet stand on level ground. And yes, it’s another thing to try to walk again.
The recent back-to-MECQ announcement shook me. Out of all the recent news, I think this hit me the most. It felt like I was barely making a step forward and yet I was pulled back again, further than where I started. For the past months, I’ve had friends who lost their loved ones and are grieving; friends who have been sick and worried. I’ve been constantly communicating with students whose parents lost their jobs and whose families are unsure of what meal to eat next. My mom’s business has been in a downward spiral and my sister’s job has been unsafe. My corporate and academe jobs have been in a whirlwind of transitions and adjustments. I’ve also been concerned of my friends whose jobs are in the front line and those who are in constant need to go out in order to sustain a source of living. So, to be honest, the dramas and trending issues in the social media world are not really bothering me because I feel like they’re good to know but they cannot automatically equate to addressing our neighbor’s needs. I think that this is not a time to rant and complain, but a time to pray for others and to be sensitive of other people’s needs. I also think that the things going on around us should lead us to step away from our emotions and to step closer to God.
I am constantly rebuked and reminded that no matter how much I plan or organize and no matter how much I try to get by, nothing is certain. Later is unsure and tomorrow is not in any person’s hands. And the more I try to figure things out on my own, the more I just fail – the more I just get tired and anxious and ineffective and unproductive. And the more I try to get by on my own, the more I become selfish and ungrateful.
Yesterday, I found myself just kneeling and crying before God, pouring my heart out to Him as I declare His truths in Psalms 25. I laid down my sacks of burdens, and even my many backpacks of sins and rebellion. Verses 4 and 5 stood out, “Show me the right path, O Lord. Point out the road for me to follow. Lead me by Your truth and teach me, for You are the God who saves me. All day long, I put my hope in You.”
Psalms 25 reminded me that apart from God, there is no right path and apart from God’s leading and guidance, all roads seem lost. God is the only certainty in our uncertainties, and I believe that He uses uncertainties to humble us, and to reveal the attitudes and priorities of our hearts.
I used to plan a lot, and I prepare things based on my to-do lists. But God used uncertainties to open doors for humility – the humility to depend on the Lord and not myself; not on the things I plan or the to-do lists I plot. To depend on the Lord’s strategy and strength is a moment-by-moment decision indeed, and I am still learning.
I used to talk about my plans for next week or next year or even the next couple of years. But God used uncertainties to constantly shut my boastful tongue. As James 4:13-14 writes, who am I to say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money”? I do not even know what will happen tomorrow. My life is but a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.
I used to think that my job is my source of living – or at least, I subtly consider it that way. But no, God used uncertainties to remind me that He is my source of living. He is the one who provides and sustains jobs and businesses. He is the one who provides customers and clients. He is the one who sustains companies and organizations. He is the one who regularizes and promotes. And so I am reminded that security and stability is in Christ alone.
Today, I am writing this blog out of God’s leading in Psalms 26. In spite all uncertainties, God is still calling me to wash my hands in innocence, to come to His presence, to proclaim praises to Him and tell His wonderful deeds. And as I am writing this, these verses from Matthew 11:28-30 constantly pop in my head.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” – Jesus
I hope that you also find certainty and rest in the Lord Jesus today for He alone can give that.